Despair
by Washington.Brunette
Summary: Hermione is attacked and faces a crippling depression. Harry and Ron try to help her rebuild her life without pushing her further into her depressive state. There will be a romance later on, but it isn't the main theme of the book.


I remember the night that changed my life in every vivid detail, despite my desperate attempts to forget it.

It was three days after I turned sixteen. I remember because that's something you just don't forget I guess. There was a big Ancient Runes test I was studying for that kept me at the library late into the night. I didn't leave until ten thirty, well past curfew, and the halls were dark except for a few scattered torches. I remember leaving the library and getting that eerie feeling right before something bad happens; it bothered me so much that I took my wand out of my robes and gripped it in my hands for easier access. I walked through the Great Hall and into the entryway that lead up the Grand Staircase. That's when all hell broke loose.

I was about ten feet away from the stairs when I was attacked. I wish that I had seen my attacker so I could have some way to recognize the monster that did this to me, but all I know is that I was jamming out to Train when 100,000 volts of electricity jolted through my body as the Cruciatus Curse hit me from behind. I fell to the ground and felt my attacker on me. His hands slammed my head against the ground, and that's when I lost consciousness.

I think it was forty-five minutes later when I finally woke up in a pool of my own blood. I opened my eyes slowly and watched my world swim before my eyes in different shades of black. Tentatively I wiggled my toes, and then my fingers. After determining that I could in fact move my hands, I felt my face and the swelling that had bloomed in my unconsciousness. I touched the back of my head where it was throbbing, and when I looked at my fingers, I saw sticky red blood. One eye was swollen shut, my nose was bleeding freely and I felt a deep pain in my chest that I suspected was from a few cracked ribs. I yelled in pain as I pulled myself off the ground and moved into the light from a torch. Immediately I regretted looking at my body.

My arms were a mosaic of black and blue that showed where my attacker had grabbed me. I saw that my robes were torn and I was bleeding. My underwear was missing. My legs were scratched from the ground tearing at my skin and I lifted my robes to see more marks from my attacker's hands. This was all too much to process. I felt tears burning my eyes and rolling down the right side of my face, which was only mildly swollen. I stood there in shock for a few moments before I realized that I was feet away from my wand, which had been miraculously spared by my attacker. My swollen fingers gripped the wand and I whispered, "Sonorus," to magnify my voice and then I cried out for help.

It was a few moments before anyone arrived on the scene, since apparation is not allowed within the confines of Hogwarts. The first person to come upon the scene was none other than Nearly Headless Nick, who was out for a midnight stroll when he heard my cry.

"Why, who is this laying on the floor of the grand staircase past curfew…well my God, is that blood?" I heard him speaking to himself and then he floated up to me and I saw him pale, if that is possible for a ghost. "Hermione, my God. Great Scott!" In his stupor, he accidentally floated through me and I sighed as the icy cold feeling that you get when a ghost pasts through you cooled my wounds.

"Nick," I started, but he cut me off immediately.

"Don't you try to speak, young lady. I will get help just as fast as I can." And off he went, floating in the distance.

Seconds later, Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape appeared with Madam Pomfrey by their side. They came rushing around the corner, their robes billowing behind them and my immediate reaction was to relax. Help was here, I was going to be okay.

Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape bent before me and examined my body, checking for any additional trauma while Dumbledore and McGonagall tried to question me about what happened. I tried answering as best I could, but I found the details were foggy. I remember falling, and having my head slammed against the pavement and that's it, I told them.

Professor Dumbledore stooped down to speak to me as quietly as possible. "Hermione, did you see who did this to you? I am sorry to ask you, but I need every detail you could possibly give me." He grabbed my hand softly and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Professor, I'm sorry, but I don't remember anything except his hands were strong but soft. They didn't have calluses on them. And they were large. At least, they were larger than mine. Does that help you?" My voice was fading and Madam Pomfrey announced that I needed to be sent to the hospital wing immediately to start the healing process. Dumbledore nodded and I squeezed his hand tightly.

"Harry…Harry and Ron…" I mumbled, hoping someone understood what I meant.

"No, no absolutely not!" Screeched Madam Pomfrey. "You are not to have any visitors tonight! It is not permitted."

I squeezed Dumbledore's hand again, more tightly this time. I prayed that he would fight for me, and my prayers were answered. "Now, now, Madam Pomfrey. I understand it is after visiting hours, but could we make an exception? They deserve to know what is happening to their best friend, and I am sure that they will want to make sure that she is going to be alright," he said, looking directly into her eyes.

"Well, I suppose that is okay, but they are under no circumstances, allowed to stay the night," she said, before turning to Snape. "Professor Snape, will you help me with a potion to prevent a pregnancy?" She asked quietly. It was clear she didn't intend for me to hear, but I did and the tears slipped from my swollen eyes at the thought that I could become pregnant.

"Of course," Snape replied. "I will just run to my office to get the necessary supplies. I will meet you in the hospital wing in twenty minutes."

Professor McGonagall helped me to my feet carefully and I winced in incredible pain. McGonagall wrapped her arms around my shoulders and assisted me to the hospital wing. I laid down on the soft sheets of the beds and realized that I had yet to truly cry over my attack. Before I could think though, Madam Pomfrey was forcing potions for various functions down my throat. I sputtered and coughed but made sure to drink every last drop so the healing process would go quickly. But I refused the potion that would put me to sleep because I needed to wait for Harry and Ron to show up. I needed my friends to come and to love me.

Just as I was getting ready to ask for the potion, Harry came bursting through the doorway, huffing and puffing from his run from Gryffindor house. Madam Pomfrey barked that he should be walking, but he sped past her to my bedside and grabbed my hands tightly.

I have seen Harry in numerous situations where his life was in danger and he kept his cool. I saw him fight a giant snake, see his parent's killer resurrected, and fight dementors with poise and grace. But now, his eyes were revealed his angst. They were opened wide in horror and I saw tears starting to form.

"Harry," I started, wanting to reassure him that I was okay. "Harry, I'm okay."

His lips met my forehead, and it was the first time Harry had ever kissed me. I felt a tear run down my that did not belong to me and when I looked up I saw him wiping his eyes.

"Hermione, it's okay. You don't have to lie to me. I know that you aren't okay. For God's sake, look at yourself. Look at what someone did to you," He said, looking distraught.

Before I could say another word, Ron came busting through the door and tore through the hospital wing to my bedside. "Hermione, bloody hell." His hands reached for my free hand and he held it tightly. He also kissed my forehead and I found myself wondering what about this situation prompted people to kiss my forehead.

The three of us sat there for hours, not saying a word but they kept me from my absolute misery. They kept me sane. It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning, after Harry and Ron had both dozed off with their heads resting on either side of my bed, that I asked Madam Pomfrey for the dreamless sleep potion. I gulped it down, and felt the immediate release of sleep.


End file.
